


our choices seal our fate

by NorthOfSomewhere



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, No Smut, Sibling Incest, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:42:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26604664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthOfSomewhere/pseuds/NorthOfSomewhere
Summary: Joseph wants to help John.Chapter 2 is optional reading.
Relationships: Faith Seed & John Seed, John Seed/Joseph Seed
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

"You let him do whatever he wants because you still see him as your baby brother," Faith tells him. Because he asked. "Both of you do. He's...unwell."

She avoids looking at him, can feel the wrath pooling at her feet. That she would call him a failure. "He still sees you as his big brother, his Father, and.." she hesitates here, it's not her secret to spill. She glances up, forces herself to make eye contact.

_For John._

"And what?" Joseph raises an eyebrow, tension so near the surface she thinks he'll snap at a breeze through the window.

_And he's in love with you, or something close to it._

"And," she continues, carefully. "you need to get through to him somehow. He needs you."

"Watch, and _see,_ " she says, pleading.

_You have to help him because I don't think I can._   
  


* * *

Her words are on his mind later. John, his little brother. He's not _blind_ he can see the damage John is doing, the pain he inflicts on others. Reflected back on himself tenfold, John visits his methods on his own body often. Carving, recarving his sins into his body. Wrath, greed, envy, lust. They always look fresh, never scabbed over.

But perhaps there's a filter, a willingness to look away, because he wants to...he wants John to be happy. Would do anything to secure that. His first thought is always protect, he remembers John falling to pieces when Joseph found him again. That's who John is, the person no one else can see beyond the monster he plays at.

"John," he says, low. He touches his brother's arm as he does. _Watch and see._ John tenses, it wouldn't be noticable if Joseph wasn't watching so closely.

"Do you need something?" He asks. His tone is close to eager, but behind that sullen. John is always torn between conflicting emotions.  
  


* * *

 _Oh._ Outwardly he's not reacting. Inside, his heart is breaking. This isn't something he can fix, this isn't something he can help with at all. One thought sticks more than the others. _I've been hurting him._ Every condemnation, every voicing of disappointment, telling John that Eden was shut to him if he didn't succeed at this impossible task. _I did this. This is my fault._

He understands Faith's reticence. Her unwillingness to tell him anything, her and John always talking, heads bowed close. Another thing hits. It stings. _She understands him better than I do._ His lips curl in anger, so fierce and sudden it surprises him. And John steps back mistaking it for disgust. "Why Faith?" he asks, gripping John's sleeves. White-knuckled.

John's eyebrows furrow, mouth beginning to open. Joseph knows he's going to ask for clarification.

"Why would you go to Faith with this, and not me," Joseph's voice is flat.

He can read the warring emotions on John's face. Fury, guilt, confusion. He can feel it, the breaking point. Knows where to press, back off, can see what he should do like it was playing out in front of him.

So he presses. Hands in familiar positions, they've done this part a thousand times. John responds, they move together. A dance. He brings John's forehead to his briefly. Pulls back. One hand stroking John's cheek, his brother's eyes are wide, and so blue. A shade more beautiful than the Montana sky above them. John leans into the touch.

"You come to me," he presses their foreheads together again, gentle.

From this distance he can hear John swallow, nervous. He nods, which really means he just puts more pressure where there foreheads touch.

"Of course, Joseph," John's voice is quiet. Barely there, he can feel John trembling.

"We can fix this. We will cleanse this sin from your soul."

He hears the catch in his brother's breathing, the tiny hiccup of emotion. He feels John's muscles tense again.

He pulls back, hands still loosely clutching John's coat. He frowns. _Did I misstep?_ John's face is shuttered to him, eyes curiously blank. His voice too, when he finally speaks. "Forgive me," a pause, then "Father. I- I have some tasks to see to." He watches John walk away, still confused. He made a mistake somewhere.

* * *

He doesn't see Faith and John huddled together again. But he occasionally catches Faith's brief glances his way. A feeling like he's being judged, smile too sharp to be genuine when she notices him gazing back. John seems on edge. And distant when Joseph manages to catch him, never alone again. John's been keeping himself busy, making himself scarce. Joseph wonders where he goes. He hears the talk from members of the flock, John hasn't been home in a while.  
  


* * *

A flash of white catches his eye as he watches John greet people at the door, sticking out from the sleeve of John's coat. He makes a note to himself, to ask later.

After everyone is gone, he beckons John to him. To the church office. It's quiet. He reaches for his brother's sleeve, no need to ask. John's arm moves not unwillingly. He looks away though, something he's ashamed of, then.

He stares at the gauze wrapped around his brother's wrist, red seeping through. This isn't like the tattoos, or the sins that are carved into both of them. This is different. He wonders how far up it goes. But he doesn't want to roll up John's sleeves, put unnecessary pressure on the wounds. There is a loss for words.

"John?" It comes out like a question, his voice lilting up at the end, quiet but still somehow loud. Small empty space.

"I just want to make you proud."

And Joseph's heart breaks again, there's his John. Small voice, he sounds younger. A child seeking guidance.

"But this?" he says, pressing lightly at the gauze, fingers wrapped around John's wrist.

"I have to let it out somehow."

Joseph knows what the other option is for John, turning the anger outward. For a second he considers it.

_I want you to be happy._

He runs his fingers up John's arm, watches as goosebumps rise in the wake of his touch. "No more of this," he murmurs.


	2. Optional

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Faith yelling at Joseph scene I cut from the original. In case anyone wanted to read it. :)

"You think you just telling me to stop helped? Addiction doesn't work like that."  
Her lips curl, vicious. "Not mine or John's. You didn't help us. You made it _worse._ "

"Faith," Joseph says, unsure of how to reply, but it doesn't matter. Faith continues.

"You were supposed to _help_ him!" She steps forward, the last two words shrill, loud. "You–" she darts back. Out of reach, not that he was reaching. His fingers curl at his sides. Not... not about to do anything. He's just restless.

"What would you have me do?" Joseph asks. He can feel the deep well of resentment rising, spilling over.

"Help him!" she repeats, pleading. Desperate.

"I don't know _how_ to," he admits, hands up trying to calm her down. He wants her to understand, needs her to get it. "I love John, he is my family. I would do anything to help him! Just te-" He cuts himself off, won't ask her for help.

_Pride,_ he thinks. Then, "Just tell me what to do."

"You use him, you use me. Jacob too." It's not an answer, at least not one he asked for. Her words are painful. For him and for her. Looks like they're torn from her. She's speaking from a place of fear, nervous laughter serving as punctuation. Her eyes dart to his and then anywhere else but him, when she finds him looking back.

"We're just tools for you to use. Just _playthings._ " Her voice breaks on that, tears added to the mix. She still looks like she expects him to do something, hit her maybe. But he wouldn't. Like she can read his mind, her eyes flash down to his hands. He forces himself to relax his fists.

"You think you don't break your own rules, your _commandments_? You have and you do. You think you don't feel the same way John does?"

_I don't._ He wants to say. He shakes his head instead.

"We're going to die for you, the way this is going. And you don't get to be fucking sad when we do."

He flinches at the curse word, mind harkens back to their father. The living room with the dim flickering light bulb, the whoosh of the belt slicing through the air. But it's not his own pain he's remembering. It's John's.

"Not when you wanted this, not when you were _excited_ about it. I remember, when that boy and his friends showed up, filming us. When they attacked us. Your eyes lit up. You want this," she says, accusing.

"You expect us to sacrifice ourselves for you. And John and Jacob are ready to. They _love_ you so much that they will lay down their lives for you. They love you so much they have no room in their hearts to love themselves."

She shakes her head with a laugh, and then looks up and sneers at him. A wild animal pacing. "I hope I go first," she bites out, venomous. "I don't want to see them die."

**Author's Note:**

> Ooc galore.
> 
> Tbh i cut like 500 words of Faith just yelling at Joseph because it didn't really fit in anywhere? I mean, not that this is at all cohesive or anything.


End file.
